Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
