she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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