Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
