So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
