Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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