I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
