I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
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