What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
