I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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