cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
