Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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