Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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