Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
There r osticjed everywhere
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
