I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
