i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
The beer is more important than you right now.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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