Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
