fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
