You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
