His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
