hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
