that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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