yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
