the day after is always just damage control
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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