I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
