im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize