Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
