i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
