I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
