if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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