its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
