when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
