i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
