I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
