so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The uberlube is also flammable
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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