I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
