Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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