She announced her abortion via fbk
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
