Kiss
Puke
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
