We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
