I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize