Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
