well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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