What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
