So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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