I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
This house was built for laser tag.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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