Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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