I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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