their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
