ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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