I just pynch a tree in the face
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
MIDGETS
????
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
