Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
