some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
