EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
