there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
