Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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