I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
