wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize