Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Randomize
