you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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