I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
