Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
