at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
