two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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