I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize