its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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