So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
