Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
