Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
