You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
