I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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