The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
